From Hard Work to Heart Work — October Edition
The what-it-costs edition
Greg McKeown spent years watching capable people say yes to everything. His conclusion: every yes is a trade-off, whether you name it or not.
His point is that every option comes with its own problem. Your boss offers you a new project. Say yes, and other work slips while your team carries the extra load. Say no, and you deal with a disappointed boss.
Neither option is free. So the real choice is which problem you are ready to live with.
I watched that play out twice this month, in 2 training rooms, with the same shape underneath. Both managers knew their decision had a price. What mattered was whether they said it out loud.
The limit that cost her a team member
At the end of September, I ran a 2-day training on ethical management. We spent a good part of it on values, and on setting limits.
One manager went back to her team and tried it. A team member had asked for time off to follow a course. She said yes. Then the request came back, much bigger. This time she said no.
The team member resigned.
She came back to the room shaken. For a moment, so was I. Had I been wrong to encourage her?
I thought about it all weekend, and my answer is no. A limit that only holds when everyone stays is a wish.
You say yes where you can. You say clearly where you cannot. The other person then makes a choice, and that choice belongs to them.
A resignation hurts. It is also an answer to a question she had to ask anyway.
👉 Read the original post here
What you can say before you know
In early October, I delivered a 3-day management training in Canada. During a session on trust, one participant shared that their team had told them they were not transparent enough. So we dug into it together.
For years, I believed the answer was radical transparency: tell your team everything, as early as possible. That week changed my mind.
Picture the situation. You learn your department will be restructured.
If you tell your team today, they worry for weeks about something they cannot touch. If you wait until you have every detail, the rumours do the talking for you.
Between those 2 options sits the one thing fully in your hands: the process. Who is involved. Who decides. When. What happens next.
And once the decision is made, you tell them, with the next steps, even if you do not know the outcome yet.
People are adults. They understand that you do not have all the details yet, or cannot share them yet.
The worst approach is to stay silent. By focusing on the process, you give their attention somewhere to go, and you meet their need for a bit of certainty.
👉 Read the original post here
What the 2 stories have in common
Both managers faced a price. The first one said no clearly, and lost a team member. The second one risked a different price by staying quiet: weeks of rumours while waiting for every detail.
Telling people clearly what a decision will cost them feels like the riskier move. I think it usually costs less in the end. A clear no gives the other person a real choice. A clear process gives the team something to hold while the outcome is still open.
I caught myself skipping the same step in coaching. In September, I helped a client map every hour of their week around an ambitious project. Only that evening, writing my notes, did I see the question I had left out: "What are you ready to give up to make room for this?"
Time is easy to measure. Giving something up is harder to say. So it stays unsaid, by the manager and sometimes by the coach too.
McKeown's idea works for teams as well. Before anyone commits to the next project, someone has to say which problem the team is choosing.
2 things to do this week
1. Ask what will stop. The next time someone on your team takes on something big, ask them: "What are you ready to give up to make room for this?" Then wait for the answer. If nothing comes, the trade-off will happen anyway, just without anyone deciding it.
👉 Read the original post here
2. Answer "what would you do?" with a question. In 1 week, 3 clients asked me exactly that. Each time, I offered a choice: help finding their own answer, or what I have seen in 20 years of management. Each of them chose. Try it with your team: before you answer, ask whether they need a decision or someone to think with.
👉 Read the original post here
The book behind this issue
Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less, by Greg McKeown.
McKeown's case: every yes is a trade-off, so make it on purpose. He wrote it for individuals deciding where their time goes. Read it as a manager and it becomes a tool for team conversations, where the price of a new project is usually paid by someone who was never asked.
Worth reading if your team keeps saying yes and you are not sure what quietly fell off the list.
P.S. On 24 November, I will talk about my own 2 career changes (neither of them planned) on a panel in Geneva with Rachael Remaly, hosted by the American International Club. Details
If any of this sounds like your team, I work with managers and leadership teams to find what is actually holding them back, and get things moving again.
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